Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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