He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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