I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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