my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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