Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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