So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I could fuck to npr.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize