They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He shit in the fireplace
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I had to cum in my sink.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
