Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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