Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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