Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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