I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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