Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize