Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
