whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
