If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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