So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
