My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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