i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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