i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
