I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
