Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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