So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
