I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
