i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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