i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
