his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
