i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
