I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
