Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
