Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
