yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
