I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
