I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
