I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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