Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
as a side note pls kill me
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
