I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
