Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize