I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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