Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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