Umm I'm too high to move.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
