So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
