There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
