hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
A+ Viking dick
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
