just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
