I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
