it's like iHOP with fire
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
