3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
