neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You took a bar mat shot.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
