Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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