You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
