On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
