Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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