I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Randomize
