god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
