If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
