I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
we should paint friendship bongs
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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