You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
