Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Need sex. Gaining weight.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize