am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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