So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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