I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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