Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
