DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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