i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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