come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
