somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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