Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
