Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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