thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
