In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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