are you still at the devil's house?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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