i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
