Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
