Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
