on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
